You don't need to do it alone... Conflict is an inevitable part of life, whether it arises in personal or workplace relationships. People respond to conflict in different ways – some avoid or suppress it, while others see red and flare up (that fight or flight stress response). Culturally, conflict can express itself and be experienced in different ways too. The stiff upper lip is a well-worn British stereotype, where open conflict is a thing to be avoided at all costs, but under the surface, tensions simmer and sometimes erupt. Whatever your conflict response or culture, conflict is a natural feature of relationships, and working well with conflict can lead to positive changes in those relationships. By acknowledging and addressing conflicts, we can foster growth, understanding, and improved communication in our personal and professional lives. Mediation versus Conflict Coaching Mediation is often suggested to resolve conflict, but people may see involving an external party as a sign of failure. Conflict coaching provides an alternative or supplement to mediation. Unlike mediation, which involves a neutral third party facilitating dialogue between conflicting parties, conflict coaching provides individual support to navigate conflicts effectively. Benefits of Conflict Coaching Empowerment : Conflict coaching empowers people by helping them gain a deeper understanding of their emotions, needs, and values. This self-awareness enables them to navigate conflicts with confidence and assertiveness. For example, a manager who receives conflict coaching may develop the confidence to address interpersonal issues within their team. Improved Communication: Through conflict coaching, people learn effective communication techniques such as active listening, expressing emotions constructively, and managing difficult conversations. These skills enhance their ability to express themselves and understand others' perspectives, leading to more productive dialogue. Personal Growth: Conflict coaching promotes personal growth by encouraging people to reflect on their beliefs, assumptions, and behaviour patterns. It enables them to identify areas for personal development and empowers them to make positive changes. Stronger Relationships: By working through conflicts and developing effective communication skills, people can build stronger, more resilient relationships. Conflict coaching fosters understanding, empathy, and mutual respect, which are crucial foundations for healthy and fulfilling relationships. This might involve a team undergoing conflict coaching to improve collaboration and trust. In a world where individuals embrace conflict and work well with it, relationships would thrive with well defined boundaries. People would approach conflicts with curiosity and a commitment to understanding, rather than avoiding or escalating them. Conflict would be seen as an opportunity for growth and transformation, leading to deeper connections and more harmonious interactions. Conclusion Conflict coaching offers a powerful alternative or supplement to mediation, empowering individuals to navigate conflicts with self-awareness, enhanced communication skills, and a clear view of their desired outcomes. By embracing conflict and working well with it, we can transform our relationships, fostering understanding, growth, and healthy boundaries. In a world where conflict is navigated well, we open the door to building stronger connections and creating a more harmonious society. How we can help: One-to-one support to: Be an impartial sounding board to help you unpack issues Gain insight into the points of conflict and what you need from the relationship Understand your own conflict style and its influence on your approach Develop communication skills to give feedback, express feelings, and set boundaries Building conflict-resilient teams by: Developing shared team values and understanding their implications Gaining insight into individual conflict styles within the team Facilitating giving and receiving feedback, challenging behaviours in a compassionate and respectful way, and setting personal boundaries Ready to transform your approach to conflict? Contact us today to learn more about our conflict coaching services. Co-authored by Amanda Heenan LLM BSc(Hons) and Catherine Brys PhD MBA Biographies Amanda Heenan is an experienced and passionate equality, inclusion and human rights practitioner, with a Masters degree (LLM) in employment and equality law. She has experience of working across the public, private and voluntary sectors. Amanda is accredited as a good relations practitioner (by the Centre for Good Relations) - many of her projects involve building good relations in often contentious environments. She provided interim management support to a Scottish rape crisis centre, with a focus on managing change and developing good relationships, particularly between staff and Board members. Catherine Brys is an accredited mediator and good relations practitioner. She is also an experienced workplace coach and facilitator. She holds a Postgraduate Certificate in Mediation, Conflict Resolution and Negotiation from Strathclyde University and is accredited by the Centre for Good Relations. As a coach, facilitator and consultant she has worked with individuals and teams in the private and third sector to build better relationships and unblock conflict situations. Catherine is driven by helping people feel fulfilled and achieve more impact in what they do.
It is not a great leap to imagine future historians re-defining our time as Before COVID-19 [BC-19] and After COVID-19 [AC-19]. BC-19 was an unsettling and destructive time. The gnarly old man of capitalism was in the throes of a final hedonistic, nihilistic binge: his vomit poisoning the roots of humanity and the planet. The toxic effects of his binge was seen in the growing gulf between a tiny proportion of people acquiring an ever increasing share of wealth, with a growing number in poverty and feeling disenfranchised, and frankly, ever more pissed off. People needing food banks and payday loans despite working more than one job. People turning to populism and hatred towards those seen as Other, when their real anger was directed at those who seemed to be comfortably riding a wave of liberalism. People on the liberal end of the spectrum looking on in horror at the popularity of Trump and other populist right wing politicians who berated the 'liberal elites' whilst sitting on a mountain of wealth themselves. Late BC-19 saw discussions about a second age of enlightenment bubbling up to the surface. I'm privileged to be part of this dialogue. It's held my interest even in the times when the idea was just hanging on by the fine threads of a few people keeping the pot bubbling. But all it ever takes is a few people who quietly tend to an idea, until it comes into an age and stage that it's ready to gather momentum. That feels like where we are now, like a snowball finding the right conditions to grow and go where it needs to. Yesterday saw our first public event discussing the principles of a Second Enlightenment Movement and mapping projects, policies and resources that chime with these principles. What makes this movement so appealing to me is that it is not driven by a need for funding, it is self organised and is not looking to fix stuff in itself. Its purpose is to notice, connect and amplify those projects, policies and resources that chime with its principles. It is powered by love and a wider perspective. That makes it resistant to future factionalism as one branch of a movement seeks to prove it is more 'right' than another. This is a phenomenon that has plagued many progressive movements, and has repelled me from becoming involved in any form of politics. And so, here we are, exploring the frontiers of a new age of enlightenment. When has there been a better time to lay that gnarly old man of capitalism to rest? To lovingly remember he was an idealist once, borne of the 1st Scottish and European enlightenment, driven by virtue and the need to improve himself and society. We can thank him for his service, forgive him his transgressions against people and the planet, and move towards an age where we care for each other and the planet, and thrive together. That is possible, that is achievable, but it's not going to happen because someone else holds the answer. We all hold a piece of the magic wand of change, but it only works when we deploy it together in service of each other and the planet. This is what the folk who attended our event yesterday thought it might look and feel like, and it felt good to me!
Putting a tick in a box seems like such a simple thing. Yet when we ask someone to fill out an equality monitoring form, we are asking them to confine the complexity and multiplicity of their identity into a set of labeled boxes. For me, when I tick the ‘White British’ box, I think, “Yes, but I have multiple heritages”. When I tick the ‘Disabled’ box, I feel a twinge of disconnection, when I tick the ‘Straight’ box, I think, “Yes, but it’s more nuanced than that.” When I tick the ‘No religion’ box my soul has a little chuckle. If there is a box to tick about gender identity, I think about my transgender friends, and the complexity of emotions associated with this box. These thoughts skim briefly through my mind every time I'm asked to tick those boxes. Some days how I feel about my various identities is more tricky than others, complicating my relationship with those boxes yet further. I believe this is true for most of us. And yet I, like many reading this blog, will have more insight than most into why we tick those boxes. I have even have designed some of the forms and debated about the wording of the labels. I ask myself to imagine how it feels to tick those boxes, or ask others to tick those boxes, when you don’t really know why you are being asked or what will happen to the information. As an equality and inclusion practitioner, I often advocate for collecting this data so that we have a quantifiable source to help measure and improve equality impact. We ask frontline service providers to collect this data. More and more we ask people using online services tick these boxes. But where does it all go? How much of it is analysed and used to make improvements? Data can give some powerful insights, but usually only as a starting point. It needs to be followed with understanding more about people's lived experiences. Numbers can start to tell you which groups are accessing services or opportunities, they can indicate who’s complaining and who’s missing from the picture altogether . However, to understand why, and more importantly, what can be done to make things better, the picture needs to be layered with an insight into people’s experiences and perspectives. In my experience, if collecting data is seen as ticking a compliance box, it is likely to have limited impact in terms of how it affects decision-making, leading to improvements. What determines effectiveness lays in how insight about equality is valued by organisations, and whether the people we are asking to tick those boxes see the benefit in doing so. We live in an age of ‘ big data’ , where very large sets of data are used to map trends, and these trends determine where money is spent, or predict how we will make decisions. I was recently struck by the quote "Data is the new oil”, with some claiming it is the world's most valuable resource . Viewing data from this lens, as fuel to commercial interests, reinforces the need for privacy and consent. The GDPR and updated Data Protection Bill define tighter principles to regulate the flow and use of this ‘new oil’, so that our human right to privacy isn't washed away by the the force of its flow. GDPR provides an opportunity to sharpen our focus on how we collect and use equality data, as organisations review their approach to processing personal data. However, it should also prompt us to be more critical about why we collect equality information and what we do with it. Do we see it as a way of ticking one of our own 'to-do' boxes, or do we see it as a starting point of discovery leading to better access and experience for all? Understanding the Why? and the So What? usually only comes about through a strategic investment in curiosity and exploring solutions. We should never forget the complexity behind that tick in the box, or the value of people’s identities. We should either honour this by making it really count, or not ask at all. This is the start of a conversation I’d love you to join me in, if you have a examples of good practice or a view to share please click here . It would be great to share resources and insight as the conversation develops. Links to guides and resources: Here’s a brilliant example from Ideas for Ears about using data to raise awareness about how people with hearing loss miss out in meetings and events Information Commissioner’s Office (ICO) GDPR briefing This FAQ resource gives some guidance for processing equality information relating to staff Preparing for the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) - 12 steps to take now European handbook on equality data This blog was inspired by a blog written by Sam Tadcastle, a master of peacemaking and empathy, who wrote: It’s an emotive thing, drawing lines on maps .
